Monday, December 12, 2005
Tom and Harry bumped into each other in a supermarket.
Tom says, “I can’t find my wife in this shop.”
Harry replies, “Funny that, I am looking for my wife too. What does yours look like?”
Tom describes his wife. “She’s 5’10”, blonde, blue eyes, slim and rather beautiful with a gorgeous smile. And your wife? What does she look like?”.
“Forget it”, says Harry, “let’s look for your wife.”
Sunday, December 11, 2005
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. One of the passengers sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" he yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The man sees the same conductor walk again.
He leans out the window and yells,
"What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Food, Family, and Philosophy
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?"
She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list.
He asks, "Do you have a brother?"
Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question:
"If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
Friday, December 09, 2005
A psychiatrist visited a
"How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?"
He got the following reply.
"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.
My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife.
So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson.
But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?"
After staring blanky with a dizzy look on his face, the psychiatrist replied:
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Job At The Zoo
An unemployed guy got a new job at the Zoo. They offered him to dress up in a Gorilla's skin and pretend to be a Gorilla so people will keep coming to the Zoo.
On his first day on the job, the guy puts on the skin and goes into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring.
During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help"!
The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "shut up or we'll both lose our jobs!"